3 posts tagged “home”

waking up before sunrise is just inherently cruel. thats what the last two days of this work week were. it wasn't so much a long seek as a...staid week. i might complain about the hours and the running around, but i would rather have a million things to do that nothing. i'm happy my boss is back, its time to really dig in.

not to mention that everything feels odd. this bush visit has thrown things off. its like when someone comes to visit and you haven't quite had time to clean. everything gets thrown under the rug, in the cupboard, etc. but you know that as soon as the person leaves and you have to open a cupboard its all going to come spilling out.

we went out this morning, just for a few hours, just for breakfast. it was nice. having that sense of freedom, getting in the car and going, be able to do it. and, of course, there was some shopping. i am really discovering how that can be addicting.

but, my flat is beginning to look and feel even more like home. there are candles all over, a runner down the table, magazines on the coffee table, a full bookcase, a full fridge, pictures on the fridge. now all i needs is some pictures/posters to go on the wall and i am set! maybe another mirror.....

but yes, it was a good day, and it ended with a lovely evening curled up on the couch with a light, fluffy book and then some tv. sometimes thats just what you need. some alone time with two favourite entertainment mediums. it just works.

i have a lot more to say about what has been going on, but i am tired and feeling happy and content right now, so i think that i will leave it be, at least for the moment.

although, i must say that i think these feeling of being at peace with oneself and ones surroundings comes after, i suppose you might call it an epiphany. everyone i work with is at very different stages in life, all of them far ahead of where i am. sometimes the best thing to do is to stay quiet and to listen, thats when you learn the most.

and to remember not to try to rush. everyone has to take their own road to get where they are going, and the most important thing is the journey, not the destination. sometimes i think i need to remember that before just barreling off headfirst.

oh, and i found seven shekels in my coin purse! along with money from god knows how many other countries....i really need to get one of those wallets with seperate sections for different currencies....

today was simply wonderful. it was fantastic to be surrounded by people (yes, this is me saying that!) and just wander around the old city. the smells, the people, how dressed up all of the little girls were in their eid clothes, the general festive atmosphere. it was fantastic! i bought far too many things. clothes, spices, and arguilla....and ate too much food. but its so hard to say no!! and the friend i was with is blond, which led to all sorts of fun incidents! it was a solid three hours of pick-up lines, which was mostly entertaining, but at times was a little frustrating when laughing them off didn't work. i think the funniest incident was when i heard this 'exucse me miss, you broke something' as i walked past. knowing what was coming next i didn't even turn around. steph had apparently never heard this particular line, and fell for it, stopping and being like 'what?' and then came the ever over-used 'my heart', at least that was a good laugh, and i couldn't believe that she had never heard that one before. then there was the policeman who was flirting with us as we tried to get directions to the western wall. it was an ever-interesting trip....especially for the number of armed people everwhere....and not all of them were in uniforms, which always makes me a bit wary....well, more so that usual.

but it was a lovely day and promises to be a rather nice evening, we're taking a breather and trying to freshen up - there's nothing like several hours in the market surrounded by hundreds of people and then hiking up a hill at twilight to get you nice and sweaty and icky. but i don't think anything can ruin my mood. its so amazing to be here. we sat and had lunch sort of in the middle of the old city, and there were the church bells going, then the call to prayer, it was just amazingly surreal. i still can't quite believe that i am here living this, it seems like someone else's life that i have intruded upon. then there were all of the different orthodox jew's outfits. i really need some kind of a guide to understand them all!!

oh, and since i have a bit of time i suppose i should tell the crossing story from thursday. if my parents are reading, they may want to stop. so, the whole trip began badly because we were supposed to leave at three, which apparently means like 14:30, which i had not anticipated, and was difficult since i still had work to do. i managed to squeeze it to 14:50, and off we went! we got to khamsa khamsa, which is on the gaza side where you have to go to the little while house to coordinate your driving up to the border with the israeli's. steph and i had to walk since we have not yet received our mfa cards. so, we were steeling ourselves for this, but expecting to at least be driven up to the tunnel, when our cp came back and told us that we had to walk the 500m from the rendezvous point to the beginning of the tunnel. we looked concerned and i think he got that so he went back to negotiate with the israelis. they conceeded and said the hardened vehicle could drive us halfway there. it was still not what our security guy had told us to go, so i made some calls and was told under no circumstances to leave the car until back-up got there. so we sat and waited. and waited. and then it was arranged. we would ride in the soft vehicle with two other colleagues and be dropped off at the mouth of the tunnel. so we all get in the car and off we go. we get to the tunnel entrance and the car begins to slow down so we can get out when you hear this 'STOP!' over the loud speaker. we screech to a halt - literally. then you hear 'GO BACK NOW!'. my god, i don't think i have ever been in a vehicle that has reversed so rapidly. we go speeding back the 500m me on the phone with the cp's being like, 'um, we just got turned away, wtf is going on?!?!?' they go and recoordinate us. turns out - as we were later told - the israeli's were this close (imagine a really small distance between two fingers) to shooting warning shots at us. holy shit someone messed up bad and we almost paid for it! so we got recoordinated and once we had new permission we did the drive again. we stopped. we sat in the car for a minute. i opened the door. no voice came over the loud speaker. so we got out and hoofed it through the sand and debris to the mouth of the tunnel. at least that offered a modicum of protection. but to be honest it was one of the scariest experiences of my life. and also one of the most disturbing. in an odd twist of fate it was strangely reminiscent of those scenes from the 40's of concentration camps. largish tunnels of mesh where there was no quick escape from, although it was empty because of the closing off of gaza, you could imagine how scary and inhumane a situation it would be under normal conditions when people were allowed to cross. i felt a bit like a cow being led to slaughter. you walk through this area until you come to a gate, then you go through the gate (and by gate i mean 6ft monstrosity that again resembles a livestock gate), then through more meshed in tunnels. until you come to an area with five doors, one on each end with 'no entry' above them, and three closed doors. steph and i stood there dazed and a bit confused, until one of the palestinian stewards took pity on us and came over an explained it. you just had to stand an wait until they decided you were okay to let through. we stood for about 10 minutes, apparently we were very lucky. then in a manner similar to a sci fi movie the metal door slides open and you continue through to an area of concrete floors, thick-metal walls, and a tin roof - again a bit like a high-security barn. and you wait by some turnstills for the lights to change so you can proceed through. we waited and then went though them. then its an eerie walk up a concerte floor to the actual border crossing building, you feel like a sniper could pick you off at any moment. then you come into the building and are assaulted by the air conditioning. you go to another series of turnstills and wait for one to show a green light. you go through. then you had over everything on you - we had been pre-warned and just had out passports, un id's and phones. they go through an airport scanner. you wait for them to be cleared then you go through the first set of airlock doors. and wait. and through a second set. and wait. then one by one through a 360 body scanner. you walk in, and the doors close behind you. then a voice comes over asking you to put your feet on the yellow marks. then to hold your hands over you head and stand still. then it spins around you and does a body scan. then it opens and you walk out into a pen. and you wait until you are cleared, then you go through and wait in another pen. then you wait until you are cleared and go and reclaim your stuff. then you walk through to the passport control area and talk to someone to be cleared to enter israel. it took us about 30-45 minutes, which apparently is like a new record. our two colleagues who drove through were just finishing as we came through and amazed to see us. then you ahve to walk out past the armed guards in front of the building and to the parking lot outside the check-point to wait to be picked up. it was quite the endeavor and really, truly, probably the scariest thing i have ever done. but its good to have done, to understand what the average palestinian has to go through to leave gaza, when they are actually allowed to leave gaza. and i am sure we received preferential treatment, so we don't even fully understand it.

and all that said, i do rather miss the sea, and strange as it sounds i won't be sad to go back to gaza. its oddly becoming home. but then again, we all know i have a very transferable concept of home.

i'm in jerusalem for the weekend. its just lovely here. or at least the bits and pieces that i have seen are. it is still one of the few cities that i have visited where i feel completely foreign and out of place. it was quite the interesting experience getting out of gaza - i will definitely have to post on that later - but right now i just wanted to reflect on the lovely evening that i spent in the ambassador garden restaurant. sitting outside is so nice. its such a treat, which is really a bit sad. but watching all of the families on eid was the best. seeing everyone all dressed up, and whole families just sitting and spending the evening together, its wonderful to see and something that you don't see enough of in so many other places - i myself am guilty of not aiding in this cause....

but seeing everyone together, enjoying themselves, eating, having milkshakes and ice cream sundaes and smoking arguilla. its so nice, and a bit comforting. it really reminded me of lebanon. and oddly enough, it felt like home. sitting there with my mezze and arguilla, watching everyone, out in the evening - which was taking on just the bite of the changing season - it felt so right. and comfortable. rather like home should. maybe you have to get completely lost and be alone to actually find what you need. wouldn't that be a nice surprise?

kula 'am w entum bagher!